I am an ESL

Are you familiar with this term, ESL?  If you are not an immigrant in modern days, this might not be common to you. English as a Second Language is what that stand for.   

English language capability is everything for an immigrant to be able to survive here in America. You can be loaded with higher education and intelligence, but without fluent plus and perfect English speaking capability, the opportunity is deemed to be limited.

For centuries people come here to seek better opportunities and improved lives. Some dream comes true and some broken. Some adapted well into the society and some have never found a fit and were left struggling, or had to adjust themselves to settle in alternatives that they have never imagined. Things may have changed because the younger immigrants seem to speak better English, but that only reduce the challenges, the road may not as bumpy but nothing smooth along the way.

As far as I know, there are great numbers of immigrated graduate students who become science researchers and professors. One does not require too much speaking and the other uses a set of curriculum and speaks same thing every term. Otherwise, they are engineers in high teach companies, the silent and hard working force. There are rare opportunities for non-native English speakers to be in corporate environment.  I have been in twice and middle management is as far as I can go.  This is a talking society. Unless you can talk, you cannot walk, upwards on the ladder. I used to work for someone who did not type and did not even know how to use a computer, but he was one of the few top executives. I did all the work for his credit and he had fun BSing his way around.

My friend Rocky is the most brilliant young man (at his late 30’s) that I ever knew. With a computer science degree, he came to US and obtained three master degrees in computer science, finance and accounting. He speaks very fluent English and is literally loaded with education, real world know-how’s and entrepreneurship.  He started out as a manger and ended a director. Company owners love to talk to him personally because he is extremely analytical and he has very unique approach to solving problems.   However, he was never invited to company’s summit meetings.

Gina was an internal medicine doctor in China before she moved here with her husband. Everyone from her family is doctor including her parents. Her husband is a professor in the university teaching math. It is a long road if she continues her practice here, so instead, she went to a community college and got her accounting degree. Now my doctor friend becomes an accountant. Her wholesome skills and knowledge have stored in their vault forever.

Max was originally from Vietnam. He came here with his wife aiming for better opportunities and standard of living. He got his master degree in engineering here and had a good job working for a high tech company in California. When recession hit, he lost his job and they moved to Oregon considering less expensive housing and living cost. His wife went to vocational school and got her nail technician license. She opened a salon. Max could not immediately find a job and so he also became a nail technician. You will be surprised that the person polishing your fingernails can be a doctor or an engineer. They don’t speak perfect English and therefore they tend to be quieter, but you never know how intelligent they can be.

Where I was

Being an ESL, it is bound to have some difficulty in social life among native speakers. At home, my accent and occasional mis-pronounced words can be mocked among the family.  It did not occur out of ill attempt or I was reminded to be simply ‘too sensitive’. That feeling and hurt internally cannot be comprehended unless you wear the same shoes. I was at least the undergraduate from the most prestigious university in Taiwan, so is my sister. She compared our school to Harvard, but I sometimes felt like an illiterate or secondary citizen in front of my own family (who speak perfect English) and sometimes a group of very chatty native speakers. Even though I have lived here for almost three decades, my first language and my Asian culture have rooted in me and I simply cannot just be one complete and perfect English speaker. I believe even my own family cannot grasp the complexity of my internal state. Try to imagine as if you are not deaf, but you cannot speak…

Maybe, not really

I am speaking ESL, but it applies to all the immigrants in their adopted countries. It can be GSL if you live in German, RSL if you live in Russia or FSL if you live in France. As much as we want to be able to do what the Romans do, learn their culture and mingle into the society, there will always be challenges. Is it worth my remaining lifetime to become a perfect English speaker? My answer is No. I like to be an ESL.

I am an ESL, deemed and sealed. I can speak two languages, one perfect and the other pretty fluent. I get to know and adopt the merits from two complete contrasted cultures and I found my interests were dramatically amplified and my circle bigger and multi cultural. I gave up my thought trying to correct my accent. It is my signature, why I am trying to remove it? I got out to mingle with English speakers and not to stay in and wait for people to knock my door. I am still intimidated speaking in public, but I have been trying to give my best shot. Once your heart is pounded a few times, it gets stronger. I don’t seem to hear people’s laugh behind me any more, and I can just ignore the blush on my daughter’s face because my inappropriate (wrong words or grammar were used) speech has embarrassed her.   

where I fit

It is a privilege to be an ESL. English is common and popular, I don’t feel anything special that I can speak the language, but I give credit to those who can speak Arabic, German, Russian or African. It is truly a major accomplishment if you speak such languages.

Beauty is where East meets West and possesses the best of both.
Whenever I thought of this, I thought about Shanghai. Shanghai is one magic city that I found unique in this respect. She preserves traditional Chinese culture and also adopt much of western influence. This mixed flare can be seen in their architecture and decorations.

French Concession, Shanghai
(from old archive)

Expect the Unexpected

Since last week I have been exploring black and white images, and they are growing in me. I started to check out the black and white version of all the images I downloaded. It is amazing to see how different they are, and how far I can go with a completely different prospective. Digital camera gives us freedom to shoot in quantities and we can eliminate them in second if we don’t like the outcome. I have tendency to delete a lot when I go through them the first time. This experimental and learning process have taught me to be more objective to the images I took. View once, leave them alone for couple days and come back with fresh mind to review.  I also tried to leave the images in my Trash for a while before I emptied it in case I change my mind. Art is abstract. You just never know.

I joined an evening outdoor shooting event with my photography group last Friday.  It is a long exposure photography with fireworks display created using steel wool as media. Put steel wool inside a whisk and attach the whisk to a chain with consider length. Light steel wool and quickly swing the chain in circular motion.  Steel wool lights easily and burns fast. When the chain swings, it is like a fire calligraphy, beautiful and stunning. Night deep blue sky, black background with golden firework and sparks. It is quite spectacular. If you are interested to try, get the step-by-step safety instructions from website. This can only be performed in a large open space and safety is priority.

This kind of shot needs to use Bulb mold for long exposure. This shot was taken using F6.3, ISO100, and 8 second exposure. Exposure time depends on the length of the firework display. Original firework is in gold color. It is dramatic, but gold makes me think of fire and danger. I changed it to a black and white images, and I like it better. The silver tone looks artistic and peaceful while it maintains its glamour.

“Should I use this image colored or black and white?” I have this question in my mind throughout the entire week. I am not kidding.  Out of about 12 images I am happy with, I like 7 of them in black and white.  Here are some of them. Completely unexpected, I am liking simple black and white images. They are appealing to me because they seem to be more profound and mysterious.  And, that ancient, authentic and strange old Asian feel keep coming up on me...

A beautiful spring so far, but most of my flowers have not bloomed or the buds opened. I grabbed my camera and tripod and walked up the hill in my neighborhood. Other than wild Iris, there were nothing along the path. I came across this dandelion and thought, why not give it a shot. But before I was ready, I knocked out part of its fragile ball with my tripod. An ouch was barely over, I burst out a wow.  Check out the intricate details! Can you believe that God even gives His attention to this weed that people often ignored along the road?

Taking a walk by bike path, I walked by Owen Rose Garden. There were no roses, not even one. I am not a rose fan, so I still strolled down the path anyway just to see if anything else was there. I ran into a local artist and she told me that she was looking for poppies in that garden. There were some poppies, but they were barely open. Poppy has a very dramatic center 

if the flower is wide open.  I don't have my macro lens with me, so I chose to shoot the flowers in a different angle with my 200mm. The flowers are yellow and they don't look very attractive to me, and, you may have guessed... I changed it into a black and white image. Nothing spectacular, but I seemed to be drawn to it again and again.

I say this is the magic of embracing all the possibilities and being open-minded to the impossibles. Expect the unexpected and be objective at all times.  Close-up photography has trained me to monitor micro details and not to overlook the neglected.

Less is More - Day of a Dreamer

When it comes to women's fashion, colors overcome the world. It is also the same for photography. In this digital photography era, most people shoot color photos while a smaller percentage of people are dedicated to black and white photography. In most of the cases, we shoot color photos first and later turn them into black and white images should the author found B&W version looks more interesting or interprets his/her intent better.

Earlier of the week I made attempts to shoot something more suitable in black and white colors, something with simpler subject and more visible contrast. However, after I downloaded all my photos. I discovered that my pre-visualized black and white candidates are not necessary the better choices. Some of very colorful shots are contrarily more appealing to be in black and white. Expect the unexpected when you are out shooting.

We went to Crystal Spring Rhododendron Park in Portland over the weekend for flower pictures. There are flowers but not in full bloom. We ended up shooting water fowls and landscape.  It was my first visit to the park and I was surprised to see the beautiful wooden walking bridges and classic looking railings. The park is well-maintained and tastefully landscaped. A golf course is adjacent to it and its rolling green adds a manicured border to the park. It is pleasant just being there.

I lingered at the bridge for a long time because the atmosphere is just so lovely and delightful. I would say, the bridge construction has an Asian flare. It reminds me of Yu-Yuan Garden 豫園 in Su-zhou 蘇州, China and also Lan-Su Garden in Chinatown, Portland. Lan-Su was designed to mimic Yu-Yuan in a much smaller scale.  

I first thought this picture is nice because of its intense colors. What I did not expect is, it looks even more interesting to me when it is in black and white.  It resembled a classic version of Chinese garden with dense greens and slow running water. Except, instead of lotus flowers and peonies, there are azalea and rhododendron. The bridge is not arched and I don't recall that I see a gazebo inside the park.

The colored shot draws my eyes to large orange leaves and pink flowers while the BW picture has its focal point on the bridge and its structure details. Also at this point, I then noticed the black tree reflection to the right.

This image brought me back to Su-Zhou, to ancient China, to the famous poet Li-Bai 李白 and to the porcelain art. I am a dreamer. I cannot rationalize myself how my mind wandered as such, but there was a little episode....

Yesterday somehow I decided to shoot something from my kitchen and convert it to black and white images. I started from tea kettle, tea cups and finished it with teacups and a glazed flower case in my shot. This vase has a handle which makes it look like a wine flask. I think this picture looks like a shot of saki or moonshine was being poured into the cup. 

Who needs a shot of hard liquor? Perhaps some artist needs instant inspiration or someone is really depressed and need a lift? Li-Bai was indulged in alcohol during his late years, but his poems of romanticism only got better. (The original color image just does not have the same impact as this one.)

This 'flask' reminds me of the yellow glass art piece that I found in Seattle Glass Museum. The museum does have some nice glass pieces there. Out of curiosity, I convert the color image to black and white, and I simply love it.

Color enhances our life, but sometimes it divides our attention. While we can focus on two colors (and their gradient tones), we are drawn into a wild wild world packed with huge pool of color spectrum. People like varieties and arrays of colors are exciting. However, we may be able to appreciate and observe our subject in more depth when the visual is simpler and we are not so overwhelmed by it.

In any case, it is always interesting to see how things turn out so differently when we perceive them from different perspectives.