I am an ESL

Are you familiar with this term, ESL?  If you are not an immigrant in modern days, this might not be common to you. English as a Second Language is what that stand for.   

English language capability is everything for an immigrant to be able to survive here in America. You can be loaded with higher education and intelligence, but without fluent plus and perfect English speaking capability, the opportunity is deemed to be limited.

For centuries people come here to seek better opportunities and improved lives. Some dream comes true and some broken. Some adapted well into the society and some have never found a fit and were left struggling, or had to adjust themselves to settle in alternatives that they have never imagined. Things may have changed because the younger immigrants seem to speak better English, but that only reduce the challenges, the road may not as bumpy but nothing smooth along the way.

As far as I know, there are great numbers of immigrated graduate students who become science researchers and professors. One does not require too much speaking and the other uses a set of curriculum and speaks same thing every term. Otherwise, they are engineers in high teach companies, the silent and hard working force. There are rare opportunities for non-native English speakers to be in corporate environment.  I have been in twice and middle management is as far as I can go.  This is a talking society. Unless you can talk, you cannot walk, upwards on the ladder. I used to work for someone who did not type and did not even know how to use a computer, but he was one of the few top executives. I did all the work for his credit and he had fun BSing his way around.

My friend Rocky is the most brilliant young man (at his late 30’s) that I ever knew. With a computer science degree, he came to US and obtained three master degrees in computer science, finance and accounting. He speaks very fluent English and is literally loaded with education, real world know-how’s and entrepreneurship.  He started out as a manger and ended a director. Company owners love to talk to him personally because he is extremely analytical and he has very unique approach to solving problems.   However, he was never invited to company’s summit meetings.

Gina was an internal medicine doctor in China before she moved here with her husband. Everyone from her family is doctor including her parents. Her husband is a professor in the university teaching math. It is a long road if she continues her practice here, so instead, she went to a community college and got her accounting degree. Now my doctor friend becomes an accountant. Her wholesome skills and knowledge have stored in their vault forever.

Max was originally from Vietnam. He came here with his wife aiming for better opportunities and standard of living. He got his master degree in engineering here and had a good job working for a high tech company in California. When recession hit, he lost his job and they moved to Oregon considering less expensive housing and living cost. His wife went to vocational school and got her nail technician license. She opened a salon. Max could not immediately find a job and so he also became a nail technician. You will be surprised that the person polishing your fingernails can be a doctor or an engineer. They don’t speak perfect English and therefore they tend to be quieter, but you never know how intelligent they can be.

Where I was

Being an ESL, it is bound to have some difficulty in social life among native speakers. At home, my accent and occasional mis-pronounced words can be mocked among the family.  It did not occur out of ill attempt or I was reminded to be simply ‘too sensitive’. That feeling and hurt internally cannot be comprehended unless you wear the same shoes. I was at least the undergraduate from the most prestigious university in Taiwan, so is my sister. She compared our school to Harvard, but I sometimes felt like an illiterate or secondary citizen in front of my own family (who speak perfect English) and sometimes a group of very chatty native speakers. Even though I have lived here for almost three decades, my first language and my Asian culture have rooted in me and I simply cannot just be one complete and perfect English speaker. I believe even my own family cannot grasp the complexity of my internal state. Try to imagine as if you are not deaf, but you cannot speak…

Maybe, not really

I am speaking ESL, but it applies to all the immigrants in their adopted countries. It can be GSL if you live in German, RSL if you live in Russia or FSL if you live in France. As much as we want to be able to do what the Romans do, learn their culture and mingle into the society, there will always be challenges. Is it worth my remaining lifetime to become a perfect English speaker? My answer is No. I like to be an ESL.

I am an ESL, deemed and sealed. I can speak two languages, one perfect and the other pretty fluent. I get to know and adopt the merits from two complete contrasted cultures and I found my interests were dramatically amplified and my circle bigger and multi cultural. I gave up my thought trying to correct my accent. It is my signature, why I am trying to remove it? I got out to mingle with English speakers and not to stay in and wait for people to knock my door. I am still intimidated speaking in public, but I have been trying to give my best shot. Once your heart is pounded a few times, it gets stronger. I don’t seem to hear people’s laugh behind me any more, and I can just ignore the blush on my daughter’s face because my inappropriate (wrong words or grammar were used) speech has embarrassed her.   

where I fit

It is a privilege to be an ESL. English is common and popular, I don’t feel anything special that I can speak the language, but I give credit to those who can speak Arabic, German, Russian or African. It is truly a major accomplishment if you speak such languages.

Beauty is where East meets West and possesses the best of both.
Whenever I thought of this, I thought about Shanghai. Shanghai is one magic city that I found unique in this respect. She preserves traditional Chinese culture and also adopt much of western influence. This mixed flare can be seen in their architecture and decorations.

French Concession, Shanghai
(from old archive)

Battle with squirrels – for laughter only

Friday should be the beginning of an easy and relaxing day. I intend not to approach serious subject, but we are under attack by squirrels and I have to vent it out.  I know this may upset some people who love squirrels, just you know that squirrel is still the winner up to this point.

When my kids were small and we lived in California, they liked squirrels and so did I.  They came crawling around and they left.  Here in Oregon, we are surrounded by nature and we literally live in the small forest. Our house is surrounded by pine, fir and cedar trees. The walking paths in the yard are often covered with needles and pine cones and acorns. Such environment invites squirrels. They are regular visitors. Early on when I heard neighbors complaining about squirrels, I still had my doubt. Now I am in it and I begin to understand why.

It must begin when we started to put out bird feeders. I understand that bird seeds are temptation for squirrels, but they are ‘bird’ seeds, not ‘squirrel’ seeds, in theory, squirrels should stick with their own food, which is the nuts from pine cones. Chinese call squirrels 松鼠, that means ‘pine rats’, there is reason behind that.

A squirrel chewed and tore the tough netting of our brand new expensive patio chairs when it could not reach a bird feeder, that was my first shocking experience with squirrel. Originally we thought it is Ok for them to also enjoy some bird seeds, but we had discovered an immediate problem because they would completely take over the feeder, consume all seeds before they let go. Otherwise, they dump all the seeds from the feeder on the ground so that they can wolf all down quickly. Sometimes they literally kicked the feeder off the hanger and let the whole feeder drop on the ground. Seeds gone, feeders gone, but squirrels are still around.

We decided sometime that we should feed them. If they are fed, they won’t bother bird’s food. But they eat the corns we set up for them, and they come after bird’s seeds anyway. Taking a friend’s advice, I spiced the seeds with Cayenne pepper. They are not used to Si-Chien spicy flavor, so they quit coming to the feeder.  But they did not just leave the birds alone, they pulled the feeder out of the tree limb and leaves the seeds all over the grass. If I cannot get it, you bet no chance either.

Give up? Not yet. We invested more to get Squirrel-free feeders and the fortified feeders do say No to squirrels.  We enjoyed a period of zero squirrels on feeders. We saw them working hard on pine cones.  We liked what we saw. This is the way suppose to be. Unfortunately, we did not have a peace treaty with them, and suddenly they launched guerrilla wars against us this spring when all flowers were smiling at the sun.

If you have been following my blog, you know they ate my favorite ‘Amethyst in Snow’ and Tulips. They devoured all the tulips my daughter gave to me and they were munching down my favorite flower, right in front of me, more than once and posed victoriously.  In addition, they pulled coconut fillers from my flower boxes!  It was spring time, coconut fabric may provide their new babies good shelter, so I put out a large pile of coconut fabric which has been torn loose and easier to grab. But squirrels were aiming at my new coconut fillers and they appeared, intentionally, to pull the ones that I could see through the windows. They had no fear to be caught red-handed. I have to conclude that they know what they are doing. They purposely stole my stuff while I was watching it, these daring bandits.

Something has to be done, I raised the crisis to my husband. Steve loves to create small devices and he took a whole weekend to make a Squirrel Launcher. We want to scare squirrels but we don’t want to hurt them. We put bird seeds inside a deep planter which was tied to thick rubber bands, when squirrels come for the seeds, the weight will trigger the launcher and bounce squirrels to the tree limbs behind us, as simple as that. Squirrels would have a fun trampoline ride and we have fun watching the show.  We even videoed the launch, but my husband deleted it accidentally

when trying to trim the clips down. Squirrel Launcher gave squirrels free fun rides and they kept coming back!

Launcher failed. I sprayed them with high pressure water when they were pulling coconut fabric from my flower boxes and that only stopped them temporarily. They are aggressive, persistent and smart creatures.

Just this last weekend, when my husband was resting on his lounge chair on our deck.  A few pieces of acorns landed on his chair. They were coming down from a 50 feet oak above us, some already cracked open and some not. Steve looked up and saw a squirrel. He thought the smart guy was pushing down some acorns to enjoy later. More acorns came down, quite a few. So I gathered them and put them on our patio table for the squirrel. But IT has not come back since last Saturday.  We have to make the conclusion that squirrel was launching its bullets on my husband. Apparently, they did not enjoy the Launcher.

Squirrel war is not over and I don’t think it will be over anytime soon. Before an ultimate solution (not sure if there will be one) is in place, I have to let go my steam and find something way to cool myself down.  It will go up to 90+ degree again today, and I refuse to be stirred up by squirrels. I picked up the tiny acorns (penny size) and my camera. I used a 36mm extension tube and F2.8 shallow depth of field. The acorns are placed on the glass tabletop. Sunset light has created a soft shadow and glass, ripples. I thought about Iceland for some reason, and I am cooling down....

I have a beautiful yellow rose bush growing in the garden. It has thick and extremely spiky thorns, but produces fragrant and gorgeous flowers. I pulled apart the pedals after the flowers dried out and used them as potpourris. The natural light scent is very pleasant and soothing while I tried to calm myself down from my squirrel rage.

NOTE: I will  be traveling in August, I hope to keep up with my regular blog posting. But I also expect that my postings may not be as regular as on Wednesdays and Fridays. It depends on the availability of WI-FI and our travel schedule. But I am excited that I will be able to photograph something different in foreign countries for change.

Make Cabin a Haven - Get out of the Norm

My husband’s family owns a cabin in the woods and by the lake.  In the past three decades, there have been many family gathering events held there.  Occasionally we also invited our friends to go there for weekends.  It is surely a nice get-away place. I don’t get tired of looking at the clear blue water and the surrounding mountains and I particularly love to gaze the starry sky in the night. At full moon nights, moon reflection on the lake is stunning. It is high in 5000 ft elevation, peaceful and secluded. Friends and family love it but I have not been too crazy about it.

The cabin is small, but it is fully furnished with essential amenities.  It is convenient but more in the rustic side. When we invited our friends, we like to inform our quests, just be prepared like you are going camping, but kitchen and shower are provided, and you have beds and sheets to sleep in.

I always like nature, but not necessarily camping. Since I became an Oregonian, I have learned to like camping, but I would only go to the campsite where there are fresh running tap water, shower and electricity. I grew up in the city and for a long time I was very spoiled with five-star hotels while I was traveling for work. Lodging condition is one thing that I tend to fuss about. For this reason, I seemed barely to have good night sleep here.

As I got more serious about photography more than a year ago, I began to explore photo opportunities around the house, wherever I go elsewhere and whenever I find time. Coming to the cabin is aimed for some kick-back time. Doing nothing is what we usually do. But it gets boring after many repetitions. My mind is always full of thoughts and ideas, and my brain is constantly stuffed. I am not a good conversation partner to chat about husbands and kids forever. And, I cannot just meditate all day long.

I have been here hundred times and everything looks the same, nothing is exciting any more. 

This was just three weekends ago.  I woke up bright early and for the first time I walked down to the beach by myself. Water level is pretty high and fallen trees are everywhere. I have not gone beyond the first large down tree for years, but I made my way to climb up the tree, and cross over to the other side of the beach on this day, and I found myself immediately clicked my shutter away. There were logs, twigs, snags, reflections, rocks and I have not felt that Diamond Peak looks so accessible until this moment.

And shame on me, this was the first time when I noticed that almost every cabin has a launching dock for their boats. Why didn’t I notice that in the last two decades when I have been coming here?

In the past, I would stand outside the cabin facing the lake, took one shoot with fleet of trees, walk down 30 feet and took another shot of beach water line, and the third shot with Odell Butte and ponderosa pine. That was all. There are so many photo opportunities around the cabin and same shot can be taken during different time of the day and generate varying results.

On the way back from my walk, I saw morning sunlight reflecting on water that I have not paid attention before. Instead of taking my same old shot, I picked a different ponderosa and aimed my subject from a different angle. I did  not notice the churning cloud in the sky till I have the image right in front of me.

Owners of the three adjacent cabins built this dock which was a great spot to rest once we were out in water canoeing or swimming. However, we don’t come to the cabin often enough and the dock is loaded with debris brought in by the seagulls, sea seals and such.

I don’t swim and don’t like to get wet, that is not what city girls do.  Believe or not, I have not even been on that dock once since it was built 7-8 years ago.  I feel bored because I have not attempted to do much. I created the boredom myself that I am not even aware of.  Now my passion for photography has secretly opened my eyes. I am thankful that the dock is there. Without the dock, this image won’t be as interesting. 

Towards the end of this weekend, I have at least taken 150 shots around the cabin, along the beach and the nearby campgrounds. Comparing to what I did in the past, I feel that I have suddenly discovered my Acadia.

I have completely underestimated what this cabin can do for me and what it has contributed to my recent discovery, rejuvenated my spirit and triggered my inspirations.

My conclusion is, it is up to myself to get out of the norm and comfort zone.  The opportunities and inspirations can be fetched by walking out of the box and sneaking into the exploration zone. 

Make cabin a haven.

A Traveler's Journal

In three weeks, I will be leaving for a trip to tour Scandinavian countries, Baltic Sea and Russia.  Friends often wondered why I choose these less common destinations. My answer is simple, “because I have never been there”.  For a photography enthusiast like me, all places have unique aspects of their own and I will always find them interesting.

I’ve travelled intensively at my 30’s, but they are all business trips and digital camera was not readily available as it is now. I wish I have kept a journal but I did not. Though I have experienced a great deal while I was rolling my suitcase from one country to the other, my fading memory does not allow me to recite a lot of details.  But I always remember my embarrassing moments and the moment that my emotion has taken place.

One time I had to take a train from London to Manchester to visit a customer. There was barely people on the platform.  An old lady (that’s me now) came to me and looked at me sympathetically, “Are you lost?” she said. “No. I am going to Manchester to see a company.”  She then asked me, “how old are you?”  “29”, I said. She thought I looked awfully young and could not be in business. She insisted that I was lost and she needed to call a police. I could not convince her that I was completely OK and I saw her walking towards an officer. Gladly train arrived at that time and I hopped in the train….

Off the train, I still had to take a cab to the company address. I finally made it and had a great first meeting with this company in Manchester  The owner was happy and he offered to take me back to train station. I was of course thrilled. I started to dream about a good size order and I walked really fast towards his car. Right side of the door was open and I threw myself down the seat. I heard an ouch, and was immediately brought back to reality. I jumped out. OMG. I have forgotten I was in England, driver is on the right side, and I actually sat on his lap!

In Oct, 2007, my friend Maria and I went to Hong Kong on business at the same time, but we did not know till we ran into each other at hotel lobby.  We were both thrilled and we decided to go to Guilin, Guangxi province for a weekend adventure.  I was not prepared and only had company’s camera that I took product images with me.  Maria just bought a digital point and shoot camera, good enough, we thought. 

Early in the morning, I stepped out of hotel for a walk along the river.  I was surprised (actually I should not, knowing how diligent Chinese are) to see many people have already filled up the sidewalk and doing their Tai-Chi exercise. I was used to Hong Kong busy and crowded streets where people walk shoulder against shoulder, but I did not expect it was also so crowded here.  I could barely walk through the crowd.  Not all easy, but I finally found a slot where I could look at the river and enjoy remaining morning sun. Immediately when I looked down the river, I was drawn to this fisherman.

I watched him to cast his fishing net again and again, but I have not seen any single finish trapped in the net, no sign at all. Instead of using his oar, he used the long pole to steer the raft to free his hands for fish net. I looked at his bamboo raft, there were two small jars of fishing baits, one rectangular container appeared to be used as finishing basket, and on the other end, something looks like a pouch but it is flat, maybe it is just a fishing tally. Sun was scorching hot and humidity seemed high. I bet he was steaming hot. I could find neither water bottle nor lunchbox.

He worked so hard and so persistently, but he just did not engage any connection with the fishes. I found my feet glued to the ground for a good hour, but I did not see any fish. I left. I could not observe the scene any longer. This low resolution image has always been in my mind and it still grabs my heart in retrospect. As weak as a bamboo raft and his simple fishing gears, the image transmits endurance, power and perseverance.

This minority woman used a pair of scissors to slice red pepper, the small and super spicy red pepper, piece by piece. We walked by her and went in a restaurant for lunch. Then, we hired a guide to take us up the top of rice terrace to enjoy the stunning view. By the time when we came back here, it was at least three hours later. She sat exactly where she was, still had the pair of scissors in her hand cutting red peppers and she did not even lift her head when we passed through the second time.  More sliced red peppers were in her rattan shifter. Nothing else was changed. Colorful as it seemed to be as shown on her outfit, I can imagine how boring and tough her life is.

I like the  texture on these brick houses. I believe that they had their glorious days when they were brand new. Had strong desire to go in and check them out, but of course I was not daring enough to knock the door. I looked at the picture over and over and wondered what is the living condition inside.  

This woman walked into the scene so fast that I could not respond quick enough to focus on her instead. Her sudden presence had just added one more hard working soul to this giant community, China.

The tourists were gathered inside the cave and invested their hope on these turtles which were claimed as thousand years old. The magic power will be transferred into your body if you put your hands on the turtles. Good fortune and luck will follow when you gamble your dollars ???

NOTE: While I am traveling in August, I hope to keep up with my regular blog posting. But I also expect that my postings may not be as regular as on Wednesdays and Fridays. It depends on the availability of WI-FI and our travel schedule. But I am excited that I will be able to photograph something different in foreign countries for change.